What Kills Your Confidence and How To Stop It

Isn’t it amazing how one day you can feel so on top of the world exploding with confidence and the next day sooo not that?

Nobody is born confident. Confidence is actually something you develop, like a strong muscle. It takes a steady practice to build self-awareness and develop an empowered mindset.

Confidence rises from within and is not achieved solely from outward achievements.

It’s flexing an internal process in response to our life experiences as we encounter new situations, environments and overcoming hardships. Confident people believe in their ability to succeed.

Learning how to be confident is crucial to develop as it impacts the success of your entire life. When you have confidence, you believe in yourself. Hence, when you believe in yourself you have confidence.

What is Confidence?

Confidence is having a solid trust in yourself, in your abilities and your essential qualities to figure anything out. It is not about arrogance or feeling superior to others. It’s a quiet inner knowing that you are skillful and capable.

Unfortunately, Confidence is not unwavering. We don’t just figure it out one day and Bam, we’ve nailed confidence. Rather, it is a dynamic process, repeatedly rising and falling throughout our lives.

Creating confidence is not about knowing it all; it’s about trusting that no matter what happens in a particular situation, you’ll be able to handle it and learn from the outcome.

-Tony Robbins

It is natural that we will experience confidence highs and lows given the day, circumstances and most importantly our mindset.

Having confidence takes self awareness around understanding our feelings and knowing what makes us feel good.

Confidence arises from being in integrity with ourself. It is acting from a place of aligning with our own values and taking a stand for them.

It’s about being true to who you are rather than constantly adjusting to the world’s standards and compromising yourself. When you compromise yourself, you lose confidence.

Why is Confidence Important?

Confidence is important in all areas of our life. It allows us to move towards opportunities, experiences and relationships rather than shrinking away from them.

Possessing confidence is essential as a leader. No one will want to follow the direction of a leader if they are unsure of themselves.

Lack of confidence can seriously hinder one’s ability to put together a successful team, guide them to achieve shared goals and navigate conflicts. Therefore, confidence is non-negotiable in leadership.

Even if you are not in a leadership position, confidence allows you to build relationships, make connections, effectively handle discord, and seek out personal growth opportunities.

Being confident doesn’t make us immune to failure. In fact, having confidence is vital to assist in overcoming our failures and moving on, especially when giving up grips us.

10 Confidence Killers and How to Crush Them

Here are some confidence killers to watch out for.
Left unchecked, they can quickly hijack your self-esteem, potential, progress and adversely impact your life.

1. Negative Thinking

It keeps your focus on negative outcomes of any situation. Even when things go right, your thoughts shift to what could go wrong. Thinking negatively about ourselves and our abilities creates unfavorable feelings of self doubt.

  • If your thinking does not empower you, change it.
  • Position your focus on what could go right, and get excited about that.
  • Don’t take your negative thoughts seriously. Instead, take on a more empowered way of thinking.

2. Outside negative influences

Negative people, social media and news can diminish our confidence. Does being around your negative friend drag you down? Pay attention if watching the news make you feel fearful and depressed.
When scrolling through instagram do you get caught up in comparing yourself to others and left feeling inferior?

  • Manage these outside influences by limiting your time being exposed to these.
  • You choose who and what you invite into your life.
  • Set healthy boundaries for yourself to protect your confidence.
  • Place your energy and focus where you have control and what you want to serve.

3. Imposter Syndrome

One of the biggest lies that stops people from going after their dreams is thinking they are not yet an expert. It is only a matter of time that they will be found out. This keeps them feeling fearful of looking foolish. Quell the beast of imposter syndrome when it rears its ugly head so you can move on.

  • Remind yourself what you value, are passionate about and what drives your motivation in your work.
  • Revisit all of your life successes and write them down.
  • Don’t listen to your negative thoughts doubting your abilities.

4. Overthinking

The overthinking mind can convince you that you can’t act until you’ve considered every possible outcome to every possible action. It assumes there is a perfect way to do everything. Overthinking often holds your mind hostage to the what ifs something could go wrong. As a result, even when things do go right, your thoughts shift into what could go wrong.
Finding ourselves overthinking any situation can be a recipe for disaster. It fills us with so much doubt.

  • Breathe to get calm.
  • Pivot your awareness to the what ifs that could go right.
  • Do some movement to get out of your head and into your body.
  • Set your sights on the success of your goals and remember what you have accomplished that has gotten you this far.

5. Self-Doubt

Self doubt kills more dreams than anything else. It’s that loud but insignificant voice in your head saying you aren’t good enough. Negative self talk is not an effective way to motivate yourself. Truth is, confidence is motivated by self-compassion.

  • Show yourself more self-love.
  • Accept your flaws and focus on your strengths.
  • Nurture your passions.
  • Don’t take your negative thoughts seriously.

6. Comparison

Comparing yourself to others in a way that makes you feel inadequate kills confidence. Overthinking can lead you here. By over examining your perceived inadequacies you are made to feel inferior. It steals your joy.

  • Focus on your strengths.
  • Don’t compare your life to everyone else’s social media highlight reel, it’s not worth it.
  • Practice gratitude.

7. Perfectionism

Striving to be perfect leads us to live in a state of fear and rejection. It can stop us from being productive. It holds us back from jumping two feet into something new. It’s important to overcome perfectionism.

  • Allow yourself to make mistakes. See them as opportunities for growth instead of failure.
  • Practice more self-compassion.
  • Give yourself permission to take imperfect action, because it’s better than no action.

8. Over apologizing

As a result of over apologizing, you lack confidence in expressing yourself and asserting your own needs.

  • Make an effort to stop doing that.
  • Bring awareness to what you’re thinking and saying.
  • Question whether an apology is necessary.

9. Allowing others to make decisions for you

We are disempowered by not making choices for ourselves. This inhibits confidence building.

  • Do not allow others to dictate your life.
  • Express your needs and desires honestly.
  • Empower yourself by making your own choices.

10. Procrastination

Putting off tasks and not meeting our goals can cause stress to accumulate. Mastering procrastination allows for a happier and more fulfilling life.

  • Manage your emotions effectively.
  • Take action and motivation will follow.
  • Set clear, manageable goals.

Learning how to build confidence in your daily life is one of the most important things you can do for the success of your entire life. Accomplishing anything in life is thinking that you can.

Do you struggle with confidence? Would you like to step into the driver’s seat of your life, build more confidence and watch your life transform so that you can thrive? Let’s CHAT!

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